silence

i feel like i am being crushed by this silence
this silence that i cherish sometimes but just cannot stand today
this silence that reminds of all the things i lack in life
that reminds of all the things i wish i had
and all the ways i wish i could express myself

i want it to stop, but cannot seem to get up and turn the tv on
that's how my life feels like these days
filled with silence and me listening to my own thoughts and voice
sometimes i love the silence
it makes me think and ponder on the wonders of life
but today it is ever so unbearable
it is like a monster that threatens my existence
like a tattoo that can never leave me

i think about things to do to end the silence
perhaps i should get ready for clinical tomorrow
or maybe i should watch a movie
or braid my hair
anything to break the silence...

but that's not what i want
i want this silence to be filled with laughter
with love and good times
and not with make do task

i shed a tear because my case seems so hopeless
someone once told me, u know ur life ends when all hope is gone
cos hope makes us cling to our dreams and shields us from ourselves in hard times
but right now i feel hopeless
i feel so so hopeless....pls stop the silence